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© 2019 by Denny Balish

  • Denny Balish

What We Live with We Learn


When we enter this world as babes, we bring with us two simple yet profound lifelong desires: to love and be loved.  Everything else pales in comparison.  Research has shown that we hardwired for love and connection. When we are loved, we thrive.  This is particularly true for women whose very identity is entwined with her core relationships. Experiencing loving connection makes the world feel right.


Yet growing up, we might have encounter people, situations, or events that left us feeling flawed, broken, or bound to a pain of which we could not get free.  We unwittingly carry this pain – these remnants of the past – with us throughout our lives, eventually making it our own.  But how does this happen? Because:


What we live with we learn.

What we learn we practice,

What we practice we become,

And what we become affects every aspect of our life.


Perhaps, like me, you were born with some physical anomaly, which became the target of hurtful teasing, causing you to shrink inside.  Or maybe you grew up in a family with constant conflict, so you learned to either run from the world or fight it.


Perhaps you were lonely and shy, but no one really knew, leaving you feeling invisible. Maybe you were berated or punished for being that highly active child – the one that met the world everyday with intense passion – leaving shame where joy should have been. 


Perhaps you felt the sting of an angry word, or an angry hand, one too many times, or were shown how you never quite measured up, so you never did.  Maybe you were told your ideas were far too fanciful ever to come true, so you let your dreams die.


When we experience such things, a little part of us perishes.  How many little deaths have you suffered?  How many little pieces of you got left behind under somebody’s foot? 


How can you heal from the past and reclaim what is rightfully yours—the life you know is possible? 


By learning, practicing, and becoming anew. 

To release those old, self-limiting beliefs, try this simple, yet powerful, three-part process. I call this the 3 R's: Recognize, Refute, Replace.

First, recognizeyour negative thought that is keeping you bound to the past.  Next, refutethat thought as fallacy.  Then, replaceit with a statement of truth, one that empowers, inspires and supports the new you.

Here’s an example:

· Recognize it:I will never have the life I really want.

· Refute it: This is not true!  Cancel, clear that thought.

· Replace it:I am creating the life I want with every thought I think and every step I take.


To increase the power and effectiveness of your new statement, you must feelit.  Feeling it seals the deal.


Try this:


Repeat your affirmative statement several times, breathing deeply between each repetition.Continue until you feel an inner shift. Patience is key here!Keep breathing and notice the positive feeling that arises.Breathe that feeling into every fiber of your being.End by affirming, "And it is so!"


When you feel that shift, you have laid in a new neural pathway within your brain.  It is young and tender and needs a great deal of nurturing, just like a newborn babe. Remember, it takes 28 days to cement a new neural pathway, so daily repetition is essential to make it stick.


So, next time find your old negative thoughts creeping back in (and the more persnickety ones often do), repeat this process until you have triumphed. And when you do:


What you live with, you will learn,  What you learn, you will practice, What you practice, you will become, And what you will become is nothing short of Magnificent!


Feel the love!